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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26367649">i'm a fever in your chest</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/minycrds/pseuds/minycrds'>minycrds</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A lot of comfort, Akaashi is loving and thoughtful, Bokuto is a big baby, Communication, Crying, Domestic Fluff, Editor Akaashi Keiji, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Relationship, Love Languages, M/M, Post-Time Skip, Relationship Issues, insecure Bokuto, like a lot, so much hurt im sorry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:55:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,222</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26367649</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/minycrds/pseuds/minycrds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>'“I miss you so much,” Bokuto mumbled, voice cracking a little at the last couple of words, “I’m learning so much and I want you to see all these cool things and I want to see that pretty face of yours so bad but if I look at you it’ll hurt even more,” Bokuto continued, frowning and keeping his eyes glued to his crossed legs, head down. Akaashi knew he was pouting, “Do you really want this, Akaashi?”'</p><p>Or alternatively: The one where Bokuto hates long distance and Akaashi tries to comfort him in a thousand different ways.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>164</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'm a fever in your chest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Long distance was hell for Bokuto. He was so used to being around Akaashi that the sole lack of his presence made him feel unbalanced, untethered, lost and dazed in the midst of executive dysfunction when faced with ordinary tasks. He had no idea how he’d let himself get so used to what they had that he’d simply forgotten how to function properly without Akaashi, but that was Bokuto for you. Kuroo laughed at him for it, snickering and saying he was deemed to be the lost puppy in the relationship.</p><p>It was in the simplest and most mundane parts of his daily routine where the owl shaped void made itself present. It was there when he had to make himself lunch and had to face the giant collection of spices in their —now <em>his</em>— kitchen cabinet not knowing what to use to make his favourite curry taste the way Akaashi’s miraculous hands made it taste. It was there when he showered and stared into the small bottle of Akaashi’s tea tree oil body wash he’d left on the very edge of the bathtub after his last shower in his apartment. Bokuto didn’t even dare touch it, convinced smelling like Akaashi would make him go crazy.</p><p>It was <em> there </em> when he spent too many hours by himself, watching TV in complete silence. He was driven and had little difficulty focusing on volleyball, even when there was no background noise indicating Akaashi was somewhere around his place muttering to himself about the <em> freaking authors </em> . He forgot to eat and drink when there was no one to remind him to do so and sometimes if he was too lost in his loneliness and saw a play that was just <em> so fucking amazing </em> he’d whisper <em> look Keiji! </em> </p><p>He missed him so much it made him tear up a little when he went to bed, missing his touch, warmth and the deadweight he was on their mattress, now <em> his </em> too. So he sulked, texted Kuroo and practiced his hands numb every afternoon to fill the void that his texts and voice notes only opened wider in his chest.</p><p>Akaashi caught on quite quickly. It had been a year and a half of long distance trial and error with Bokuto’s energy levels up the walls despite the hours of mandatory practice. They had a weekly schedule to make sure each of their needs were met, specifically Bokuto’s need to fill Akaashi in on every single detail of his day and Akaashi’s to be lulled into a relaxed headspace with Bokuto’s endless rambling and although Akaashi was sure it was working, as soon as Bokuto missed two scheduled video calls on two separate days and took too long to reply Akaashi knew something was wrong. </p><p>He was too busy to reschedule and Bokuto knew it. Work kept piling up on his desk and being all alone in a space he used to share with his boyfriend was killing him too, but burying his head in corrections and new material distracted him, knowing at the end of the day he’d be able to see and hear him. Except he hadn’t for two days and Bokuto had barely replied to his texts during the day when it was usually the opposite.</p><p>Akaashi sat on his bed, waiting for Bokuto to accept the video call for the second time that evening, hoping he would finally be able to see his face after a long day at work. </p><p>“Babe, wait, I’m fetching my airpods,” Bokuto explained as he moved somewhere next to his phone, only his wet hair stuck to his forehead was visible. Akaashi loved it when he wore it like that on video calls, it reminded him of their domestic and private moments where Bokuto just didn’t bother with the dramatic updo and gel, “Ready,” he finished, now positioning himself carefully in front of his phone balanced on his charger on the bed. </p><p>“Were you busy?” Akaashi asked, curious but also worried Bokuto may have been trying to hide something from him like an injury, or worse. Akaashi’d always been able to read him perfectly but being able to see him only a few days a week through a phone camera didn’t help. </p><p>“Uh, yeah,” Bokuto replied, looking down at his hands and fidgeting with his fingers. That was Akaashi’s thing, not his. Akaashi wanted to hold his hands in his own so bad just to help him relax like he’d do before Bokuto had a big exam in high school, “Like, going over stuff with the guys, you know?” He finished, unusually quickly and without giving any details.</p><p>“New plays?” Akaashi asked, trying to elicit more from Bokuto. He’d missed him, he wanted to see his beautiful eyes on his stupid phone screen and his gorgeous smile and expressive face. Bokuto was giving him nothing.</p><p>It was as if Akaashi’s life was nothing but dead silence when Bokuto wasn’t there. It wasn’t exactly boring but it wasn’t exciting either. He felt as if he was under water, waiting for someone to pull him out and feel the fresh air hit his face and wake him up. He felt almost sluggish, but maybe that was because of his non-existent sleeping schedule.</p><p>“Mh, yes,” Bokuto replied, sounding not really convinced but seemingly not wanting to elaborate either, “How’s work?” he asked, still looking down at his own fingers and avoiding Akaashi’s eyes. It made Akaashi’s chest hurt. </p><p>“Fine. I finished the first leg of Udai’s project yesterday, I’m free for a while,” Akaashi explained, now fidgeting with his fingers too, picking at the skin of the tip of his left thumb with his nails. He had already told Bokuto this through text. </p><p>Bokuto didn’t react to his words and Akaashi’s stomach twisted with anxiety. They were silent for a total of 60 seconds according to his phone before Bokuto cleared his throat and spoke up.</p><p>“I miss you so much,” Bokuto mumbled, voice cracking a little at the last couple of words, “I’m learning so much and I want you to see all these cool things and I want to see that pretty face of yours so bad but if I look at you it’ll hurt even more,” Bokuto continued, frowning and keeping his eyes glued to his crossed legs, head down. Akaashi knew he was pouting. </p><p>“I miss you too, but you’ll be here soon, babe,” he replied, knowing his words wouldn’t have an effect on Bokuto’s dejected mood. </p><p>Bokuto looked up, face red and eyes puffy as evidence he’d probably been crying for longer than Akaashi’d thought at the beginning. Akaashi’s heart broke right then and there. After all those months, Bokuto had done his best to keep it together as well as he had, but Akaashi could feel it was not cutting it for any of them anymore. </p><p>“Do you really want this, Keiji?” Bokuto asked, his words charged with an insecurity that was so unlike him. They hit Akaashi hard, “I mean, I love you with my entire heart, I love you more than volleyball, but if all this is doing is hurting you, I think﹘”.</p><p>“Stop right there. Do fucking not, Koutarou,” Akaashi interrupted before Bokuto could say those forbidden words. They’d gone over this a thousand times, but he knew Bokuto’s dejected moods didn’t help when no one was there to reassure him like Akaashi knew. He could feel the lump in his throat squeezing his vocal chords as he struggled to get his next words out, “You are not hurting me. We talked about this, I’m with you because I love you and I will do everything it takes to keep this functioning even if it means setting alarms to remind you to reply to my texts. I love you, I want this to work,” he continued, making a point to stare into Bokuto’s soul through the camera. </p><p>Bokuto sniffed and nodded at his words looking like a puppy. Bokuto wasn’t good at controlling his emotions and he never had been. Long distance only made it harder on him. </p><p>“I just miss you so much sometimes I feel like I’m going to die,” Bokuto mumbled between sobs, running his hands up and down his biceps in an attempt to comfort himself faced with the absence of the relief he usually found in Akaashi’s arms, “And I never want you to have to feel like this because of me”. </p><p>Akaashi sighed defeated, knowing there was no way he could physically hold Bokuto until he was to hold him in person, let him melt in his arms and cry himself into exhaustion. </p><p>“Baby, I promise I’m fine. I need you to be strong, ok? Remember what I told you. We’ll get used to it, I’ll move in as soon as I finish this project and find a job,” Akaashi tried, knowing it sounded a lot like an empty promise at this point. Neither of them wanted to believe it was.</p><p>They had a general plan, but neither of them knew what the future held for them. For all Akaashi knew, Bokuto could be sent to a training camp in another country next month and not see him for months on end.</p><p>“I don’t know if I can do this,” Bokuto sobbed. His face was red and the tears rolled down his cheeks, running into his neck. He sniffed twice in ten seconds and started hiccuping when he couldn’t get his sobbing under control, “I’m a fucking mess. Can you just be my trophy stay at home husband, please?”</p><p>Akaashi smiled at his words and Bokuto laughed a little, finally breaking the sniffing and sobbing spell.</p><p>“Let me just get through this project and we’ll see, okay?” Akaashi replied, still smiling only to cheer up Bokuto.</p><p>After a couple of minutes Bokuto wiped his face with his yellow jacket and sniffed one final time. He apologised so many times Akaashi lost count and then he asked at least ten questions about Udai’s project. He didn’t care about the project, he needed to feel Akaashi’s voice close to him, like the real deal. </p><p>Akaashi relaxed as he talked about every little detail he could remember, imitating Bokuto’s usual ramblings only to further soothe Bokuto into a calmer state. He walked him through his week as if it was any different from the usual, talking to him about the store around the corner and the groceries he’d bought and what he was thinking of making for dinner for the next couple of days. </p><p>Bokuto in return told him about their new plays, how his serves were improving and how the team was doing really well except Atsumu was just too weird sometimes, but it was okay because everyone but Sakusa were so nice it sort of kept things balanced. Akaashi laughed, remembering exactly why he preferred the younger Miya twin who was much more down to earth and also happened to own an onigiri shop. </p><p>As they were saying their usually long goodbyes after Bokuto purposely changing in front of the camera, Bokuto interrupted Akaashi’s words, “Just so you know, that wasn’t a real proposal. Not because I don’t want to marry you. Like, we know I’ve wanted to marry you since I first saw that pretty face but when I do propose it’s not going to be ugly crying in front of the phone after suggesting we﹘ forbidden words, you know?”</p><p>“I know”.</p><p>“I love you, Keiji,” Bokuto said with honesty. Akaashi couldn’t quite place it, but there was a sort of intensity in his voice he’d never heard before. Maybe it was the fact he hadn’t seen him in a long time, “More than anything”.</p><p>“I love you too, Koutarou. Remember to talk to me, okay?” Akaashi emphasised, attempting to make sure this time Bokuto got it right. He wasn’t a nuisance, he was the love of his life, for god’s sake.</p><p>That seemed to do the trick. Bokuto’s mood was upbeat for the next week despite the distance separating them and Akaashi starting the second leg of his project, since his free week hadn’t been a good match to Bokuto’s chaotic schedule. </p><p>From the very beginning, Bokuto had needed constant reassurance; however, it had never come as a surprise to Akaashi. Bokuto was the kind of person you could easily see through, he was easy to read, although hard to understand. He was honest, incredibly kind, loyal and loving and despite being very physically strong and looking it, he liked to be taken care of and Akaashi knew exactly how to keep his disastrous mood swings at bay. It was obvious his new team wouldn’t, the way his Fukurodani teammates seemed to know perfectly how to lighten up the mood when Bokuto was hit with negative emotions.</p><p>Words did the trick. A simple I love you, a ‘have a nice day babe’ text or even a ‘you were good today’ voice memo were enough to keep him on his feet for the first half of their long distance relationship. That, only because Bokuto needed more and Akaashi knew it, but he also knew he couldn’t give it to him from Tokyo.</p>
<hr/><p>Akaashi’s stomach twisted into a knot. He was used to Bokuto’s attention but he wasn’t sure how Bokuto would take it if he returned it. Bokuto loved feeling important, if his volleyball career didn’t make that obvious, but he also loved people listening to him and thinking of him.</p><p>Akaashi did all of that and more, but he wasn’t quite sure how to show it. He did want to marry him, actually, and he did love him with his entire being, he just wasn’t as affectionate as Bokuto was and without having Bokuto there to initiate things, he noticed himself growing colder and colder in his actions despite the warmth of the words he dedicated to Bokuto through the phone or text messages. </p><p>“I just don’t know how to make sure he feels okay about us,” Akaashi explained into the phone, as he walked from the kitchen to his bedroom to finally unwind a bit and change into his pyjamas. </p><p>“Ugh,” Kenma sighed from the other side of the line. Probably asking him wasn’t the best idea, given he wasn’t all that much better at showing his emotions, if not worse. But his boyfriend was Bokuto’s best friend and they were very similar in the way they both needed constant attention, “Kuro, we need your help!” he yelled from the other side, and before Akaashi could protest, he heard Kuroo’s ‘<em> what’s up, kitten?’ </em> from the phone and raised his eyebrow at the pet name.</p><p>“Kitten?” he asked with a snort. </p><p>“Shut up,” Kenma replied and gave Kuroo the phone, clearly saying, “Akaashi needs relationship advice from you,” almost in retaliation.</p><p>“Akaashi? You guys okay?” Kuroo asked, sounding almost shocked with worry.</p><p>“Yeah, we’re good. Thanks for asking,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and clearing his throat to explain things once again. He walked Kuroo through what had happened the week before and Kuroo could only sigh in response before going off about Bokuto’s hard shell and soft heart. </p><p>“You know, he’s kinda like a hurt puppy right now. I bet he thinks you hate him because you guys can’t see each other and is not using his brain cells to actually realise that oh shit, you actually can’t see each other. He’ll be like that sometimes, when he gets really low. I mean, you guys have been together forever and have spent like every day together for years. Of course he thinks it’s his fault”.</p><p>“So what do I do? I text him and we video call as much as we can but you know his schedule is terrible and mine is worse,” Akaashi explained, feeling now more certain of Kuroo’s ability to actually help him despite his initial uneasiness.</p><p>“Phone sex, a lot of it, probably,” Kuroo said and a second later he complained to Kenma for kicking him somewhere in the background. Akaashi rolled his eyes fondly, “I don’t know, man. Have you heard about the love languages thing? Like, everyone has a love language or more than one, yadda, yadda, yadda,”.</p><p>“Your explanation isn’t helping, Kuroo,”Akaashi sighed into the phone for approximately the fourth time. He had lost count by now.</p><p>“No, no, sorry. So this guy says we all have different ways of expressing love and receiving it, you know? So, Kenma here is really into me doing things for him. Like cooking, that kinda shit. But me? I’m more of a reassuring words and touch kinda guy. Like, if he stops saying nice things to me, whenever he does, or touching me I’ll think he’s stopped loving me and die. Even if he cooks for me or buys me like the best most expensive fish for dinner”.</p><p>Akaashi nodded in understanding and hummed into the phone, prompting Kuroo to continue.</p><p>“There are more, so there’s a shit ton of things you could try. It actually helped me learn to love Kenma the way he likes,” Kenma gagged from the other side and Kuroo laughed into the phone, “The little shit﹘ Anyway, Akaashi, you should try that”.</p><p>Akaashi thanked him and then spent another ten minutes on the phone talking to Kenma about his work plans and their weeks before saying his goodbyes and thanking Kuroo for his help.  </p><p>After a quick google search and skimming through a few articles on the guy’s theory he got it. He would try everything he proposed as a love language to make sure Bokuto felt loved and held. </p><p>So before Bokuto finally travelled to Tokyo for five wonderful days, he took it upon himself to send as many gifts to Bokuto’s door as he could, thinking of every small thing Bokuto had mentioned he wanted during the month, no matter how stupid, and spending hours upon hours of his precious nights scrolling through the internet until he ran out of time to send everything.</p><p>The list was as follows: a fleshlight, Bokuto’s favourite snacks that he probably already had in his kitchen, ten volumes of his favourite ongoing BL manga (not courtesy of his own editorial), two owl plushies, one of Akaashi’s t-shirts (worn and everything), a book he’d mentioned at the beginning of the month about penguins, a heat protection spray for his hair, new kneepads and what we hoped would be a cute collage of them. He sucked at giving gifts.</p><p>Bokuto received everything the same day, including an extra gift basket he’d added last minute with some fancy wine, desserts and flowers. His coach didn’t need to know about the basket. </p><p>Akaashi waited patiently for his reaction, knowing he’d probably take his time picking and prodding at everything before he finally said anything. But instead of being thanked, like Akaashi expected, he only got a picture followed by a string of ‘???????????’ and a final ‘are you breaking up with me? i dont get it’, ‘r u trying to soften the blow or something????’, ‘i love u but i rly dont get it.</p><p>Akaashi laughed as soon as the video call connected and Bokuto set his phone somewhere in the kitchen as he rummaged through the boxes. </p><p>“What’s with all this?” he asked, face deep in a box as he examined everything closely, “Is it a joke? A trap? I don’t get it, baby”.</p><p>Akaashi laughed at Bokuto’s confused and beautiful face.</p><p>“It’s just a couple of gifts because you deserve them,” he explained with a small smile on his face as Bokuto kept staring endlessly at the boxes in front of him, “No double intentions there”. </p><p>“You sent me a fleshlight. Of course there were double intentions,” Bokuto argued with said fleshlight in one hand, “But thank you, you didn’t have to. You probably have more important things to spend your money on, like, expensive work clothes and books,” he rambled, almost done checking every single gift.</p><p>“I just wanted to show you I love you in a different way,” Akaashi said again, to make it clearer. </p><p>Gifts didn’t seem to be one of Bokuto’s preferred love languages, but at least Akaashi got some encouragement over the video call featuring one of the gifts. He was grateful for that, at the very least.</p>
<hr/><p>Akaashi was still up working at 6am when he got a text from Bokuto saying he was already in Tokyo. He was trying to make up for the hours he knew he wouldn’t work with Bokuto there. He panicked and scrambled to shower before he got to their﹘, <em> his, fucking whatever </em>apartment. He struggled to make himself look like he’d slept a healthy amount of time and had breakfast as he attempted to multitask by drying his hair and failing to catch the rice from the chopsticks with his mouth. Disgusting, he already knew that. </p><p>But then there was a knock on the door and he forgot all pretense and ran to open the door. Bokuto took a sharp intake of air as he stepped in and announced himself before taking off his shoes. Akaashi was all over him as soon as he was done. Bokuto bounced on the balls of his feet as his boyfriend kissed him deep and held onto his biceps. Bokuto’s hands quickly found Akaashi’s face to cup lovingly and then went lower, running his palms up and down his sides and finally squeezing his waist.</p><p>“Fuck, I love you, fuck,” Bokuto said between kisses. Akaashi wasn’t like this. Akaashi Keiji was a composed man who wasn’t into PDA and never initiated anything, only make out sessions when he really needed them but that hadn’t happened since their first couple of years in university, what had gotten into him? “Do we take this to the bedroom?” Bokuto asked, genuinely curious but Akaashi kept smiling at him as he kissed his face, placing little kisses all along Bokuto’s jawline, neck, forehead, cheeks and nose. </p><p>“No, no, no. You need to rest,” Akaashi said as he grabbed his hand and dragged him toward the couch, “Do you want breakfast?”</p><p>Bokuto looked at him with something akin to either curiosity or confusion, Akaashi wasn’t sure. </p><p>“What did you do to the love of my life?” Bokuto asked with the same expression and sat on the couch, finally relaxing and letting his full weight rest on the piece of furniture, “I missed this baby so bad. And you, of course”.</p><p>“How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Fucking amazing now I’m here. Are we seeing Kuroo and Kenma later? Kuroo sent me some weird shit. Something about words of affirmation, I don’t get it, he’s stupid. Anyway, did you miss me?”</p><p>“Wasn’t that obvious?” Akaashi asked genuinely after the door incident. He worked on the best version of tamayoki he could manage and the rest of the meat he hadn’t cooked earlier as the coffee machine worked behind him, “Do you want to take a shower?”</p><p>“Yeah, with you, though,” Bokuto nodded eagerly as he talked. Akaashi rolled his eyes fondly.</p><p>“Later, okay? You need to eat first,” Akaashi served the food in two separate bowls and looked at Bokuto as he ate. He looked tired, probably from having woken up at around 2 something in the morning to be there as early as he could, but at least he was getting a breakfast high in protein like he was supposed to, “Do you want to go for a jog later? I can come with you but I’m slow,” he offered, busying himself with his own cup of coffee to wake himself up fully. Bokuto didn’t know he was running on almost no fuel whatsoever.</p><p>“We’re going to take a nap, then we’re going to shower together, then I’m gonna treat you to a really nice meal and then you’re going to fuck me stupid,” Bokuto stated between bites. Akaashi smiled into his cup of coffee, almost entertained at the schedule Bokuto had in mind so he didn’t complain. </p><p>They day followed as Bokuto had so kindly put it. After breakfast and Akaashi’s brain giving up on him despite the two cups of coffee he’d drank earlier, they cuddled into bed, burying themselves deep into the blankets after closing the curtains. The room was dark and Akaashi let himself be lulled to sleep by Bokuto talking about his trip, head buried in his chest as he ran his fingers through his gelled up hair. </p><p>Bokuto’s weight on the mattress made it feel like home, in a way. The way they fit together on the large bed they’d bought back in college to make sure they slept comfortably, all spread out like Bokuto liked couldn’t be replaced by Akaashi pretending he wasn’t alone at night by spooning a couple of pillows. He needed his warmth to be able to sleep peacefully and deeply, like he never really did all by himself. </p><p>His right arm went numb under Bokuto’s weight and Akaashi mumbled something as he dozed off, not quite sure of what he was trying to say. Bokuto slurred his words as sleep settled on his tired and sore muscles. His hair tickled Akaashi’s lips and nose and Akaashi hadn’t realised he’d even missed the smell of that stupid gel. He was so damn happy to be there. </p><p>A little after their four hour long nap they stepped into the shower together. They massaged shampoo onto each other’s hair gently and worked the kinks out of each other’s backs under the hot spray. Bokuto took his sweet time washing Akaashi’s body gently with his  tea tree oil body wash and he let Akaashi gently wash him with a body wash he’d bought exclusively for him and his extra sensitive skin. He used it on himself when he got too lonely to bear it.</p><p>Once they were done they got ready quickly and left for one of Bokuto’s favourite restaurants around town. They’d been there so many times during their relationship, Akaashi couldn’t even remember when they’d been there for the first time. Maybe with Konoha and Saru? He ordered the usual and genuinely enjoyed the outing and the meal after at least a month and a half of being an absolutely miserable bordering-on-mad-man. </p><p>Bokuto absolutely beamed at him as they walked home hand in hand, letting the afternoon breeze wash over them as they walked. Akaashi’s hair was getting a little too long according to Bokuto, but it looked really good, according to Bokuto too. Akaashi found it endearing.</p><p>They stopped at a convenience store to grab at least 6 items from Bokuto’s absolutely forbidden list of foods before getting home and on the rest of the way, Bokuto explained to Akaashi that gay penguins were actually quite common and them adopting was also quite common and how that was just so cute.<em> Imagine, gay birds being allowed to adopt baby birds.    </em></p><p>“Like you and I metaphorically adopting Hinata,” Bokuto said, smiling. </p><p>Akaashi turned towards him with a questioning look. Bokuto was absolutely beaming. </p><p>This time, when they got home, Akaashi was slow with his ministrations. He did interrupt Bokuto in the genkan again, but this time it was gentler. There was no bite to his kisses, only the most sincere love as he blindly reached for his hand. He threw his glasses <em> somewhere </em> on the way to the bedroom and they both shed half their clothing in the living room/hallway as they moved, bumping into walls and pieces of furniture and finally, fucking finally, it felt like they were home. </p><p>They spent the rest of the day relishing in each other’s company. Soft kisses were shared, accompanied by soft touches, giggles and hand holding. Bokuto didn’t want to let go of his hand even as Akaashi complained because he really had to go pee. They held each other throughout the evening, switching places when Akaashi started dozing off so he could take a nap on Bokuto’s thighs as he kept playing episode after episode of a korean drama. </p><p>Akaashi quickly forgot about what he was supposed to be doing under Bokuto’s gentle kisses and caring words. He knew his own love language was closer to acts of service but touch didn’t hurt him in the least and he needed to feel Bokuto close to him one way or another after such a long time away from him. God, he was tired of it too, but he wouldn’t trade a minute of the happiness he felt with Bokuto for the false solution that breaking up was supposed to represent. There was no solution, because there was no problem. Or at least that’s what he’d been telling himself for the last year and a half. </p><p>He understood Bokuto was different from him, though, and while distance might not have represented an actual obstacle to him, Bokuto tended to take things to a whole new level if he thought too much about them. It was just the way he functioned, exactly like he did on the volleyball court. </p><p>Bokuto only woke him up a couple of hours later to make him go get ready for bed. Akaashi drowsily washed his face and brushed teeth before getting into bed next to Bokuto’s warm body. His skin was so soft Akaashi thanked the gods above for being able to snuggle with him and feel his pulse where their bodies touched. He smiled to himself when he noticed Bokuto had fallen asleep before him. </p><p>Bokuto woke up at 6am the next day, used to his meticulous athlete routine. He kissed Akaashi’s cheeks and forehead until he brought him to a barely awake drowsy state to tell him he was going for a jog and he’d be back in less than an hour. The air in Tokyo wasn’t good but at least the suburbs were a nice area to jog around and he took the same route he would in his college days. </p><p>Akaashi sighed in the dark of his bedroom. The bed was still warm and the pillow smelled faintly of Bokuto’s gel and the body wash he’d used before. Akaashi grabbed a pillow and hugged it, hoping it would help him fall back asleep until he had to get up and work for a couple of hours just to make sure he didn’t get behind on his work. </p><p>He wasn’t sure if he wanted to cry out of defeat, a broken heart or pure bliss. He loved Bokuto Koutarou so much it felt like he was going to implode. His feelings simply couldn’t be contained in his body and while he was better than Bokuto at dealing with the distance, once he found himself physically close to Bokuto his skin itched to be touched. </p><p>Gifts hadn’t worked and acts of service hadn’t seemed a great option throughout the day either. If anything, Bokuto had stared at him with eyebrows raised and nothing but confusion when Akaashi offered to make him breakfast, opened the door for him, offered to help him with what they’ve bought, did as much as he could during sex to allow Bokuto to just lie there and let him choose what to watch. Bokuto felt almost babied and although he was all for it with words and physical affection, actions were too obvious. After all, acts of service seemed to be Bokuto's choice to show love instead. Akaashi quickly scratched gifts and acts of service off his list. </p><p>He had quality time, touch and words of affirmation left, which basically let him with no options whatsoever to work with long distance. He was dreading the results of his little experiment. </p><p>Bokuto showed his love to Akaashi in every little way he could, not really paying attention to Akaashi’s preference despite knowing Akaashi would literally laugh when Bokuto kissed his neck a little too much. The love he felt for him was something akin to pure devotion and he was sure as hell no matter how many times a day he kissed Akaashi, there was no way to express how big his love for him actually was. </p><p>He let himself in and stepped out of his shoes, dripping sweat as he walked into their home. It felt theirs again. He sighed in defeat. </p><p>Without interrupting Akaashi’s sleep, he grabbed a pair of sweats, a hoodie and underwear before jumping into the shower. This time he allowed himself to use Akaashi’s body wash on half his body only because it’d make Akaashi smile. He dried his body quickly as well as his hair and got to work on breakfast before Akaashi woke up. </p><p>Akaashi woke up 45 minutes later. Bokuto was almost done with the cleaning. He’d reorganised Akaashi’s messy bookshelf and his pantry while breakfast cooked. Yeah, Bokuto was an acts of service kind of guy. But he was also a gifts, quality time and words of affirmation kinda guy. And overall, Bokuto was a touch kinda guy. </p><p>Akaashi sat on the kitchen island still sleepy, eyes a bit puffy with the extra couple of hours of sleep he’d gotten the day before. It was already 8am and he needed to start working. If he got at least 4 hours of work he’d have most of the afternoon free. </p><p>Bokuto’s head was perched on his shoulder as he held him tight against his chest from behind, arms wrapped around his wait. Akaashi was trying to explain to him Sundays weren’t necessarily a free day.</p><p>“But babe, you already work so hard, why would you do this to yourself?” Akaashi couldn’t see his face, but he was sure Bokuto was pouting. </p><p>“If I work now, I’ll have more time to hang out with you during the week, see? You can do whatever you want in the meantime, okay? I’ll be in the office”.</p><p>“Ok,” he replied, sighing and letting go of him. Akaashi finished his cup of coffee and stretched a little before fetching clean clothes and turning on the shower. He could feel Bokuto’s energy from where he was. </p><p>Contrary to popular belief, Bokuto liked some alone time. Sure, he also enjoyed talking and meeting new people and rambling on and on about whatever came to mind, but he also liked sitting in silence watching TV or reading or scrolling through his phone. Exercise was supposed to give him those minutes of self-reflection during the way, but the way he shared his gym time with the entire team didn’t help. </p><p>Around lunch time, Kuroo and Kenma showed up unannounced with take out, probably upon Akaashi’s invitation. Kenma brought a console and Akaashi finally left the office once Kenma went looking for him under Bokuto’s amused look. </p><p>“So how’s it going?” Kenma asked while Kuroo and Bokuto were lost in their game. Both were  terrible players and it was rather amusing to see them arguing over who was the best when they both clearly sucked and were doing it wrong, according to the great Kodzuken, “The whole… thing,” Kenma continued, signaling with his hands but failing to convey what he meant under Akaashi’s rather confused look. </p><p>“Bad,” Akaashi admitted, shoulders sagging a little. Bokuto was easy to love, but it was incredibly hard to pinpoint his needs because Bokuto swore he liked and loved everything Akaashi did for him and was even incapable of choosing even his favourite sex position, “He’s just so good at it. He’ll just take whatever he wants and what he wants, I can’t give him three hours away from him,” he continued, almost in a whisper for Bokuto not to catch on.</p><p>“We figured,” Kenma said, offering no consolation whatsoever.</p><p>Akaashi’s efforts would not go to waste though. Sure, his plan had failed because once Kenma and Kuroo left, Bokuto stuck to his side like a leech, sucking out all the affection out of his exhausted body. He craved Akaashi’s warmth and gentle petting and Akaashi had always given it to him without any concerns, but now he felt guilty indulging him, knowing it would only make his loneliness worse back in his empty apartment in Osaka. </p><p>Right in the middle of a very unplanned make out session on the couch, with Akaashi’s shirt somewhere on the floor and his glasses again a victim of their intensity, he stopped Bokuto by placing his hand on his chest. His eagerness was exciting but Akaashi felt incredibly guilty. </p><p>“Wait, wait, wait,” he interrupted. Bokuto looked at him with concern and let go of his waist so Akaashi could get more comfortable. He found his shirt and sat back on top of him, straddling Bokuto’s thighs with a serious expression on his face. Bokuto looked confused, yet again.</p><p>“Did I do something wrong?”</p><p>“No, not at all. Actually, I want to talk about something.”</p><p>“Nooo,” Bokuto groaned, covering his eyes with the palms of his hands and slightly melting into the couch in defeat, “Come on, it was stupid. It didn’t happen, you should forget it too. I swear it’s not gonna happen again,” he continued, sounding smaller and smaller and growing more frustrated with each word.</p><p>“No, no, it’s fine,” he said, reaching for Bokuto’s hands to hold in his between them. He was shaking, “I just want to know how you feel. I need to understand, to make sure we’re good,”.</p><p>“Are we not good?” </p><p>“We are,” Akaashi reassured him. Bokuto’s uncertain eyes looked him up and down trying to read him and failing, “I want to know how to make this work, is all,” he explained, letting Bokuto hopelessly rest his head on his chest to ground himself.</p><p>“I love you, ‘m sorry Keiji” Bokuto mumbled into his t-shirt, clearly pouting, “I didn’t mean to ruin this, or make things awkward”.</p><p>“You didn’t, you haven’t done anything wrong,” Akaashi paused to breathe in and steady himself. Bokuto was worse than he seemed. It showed in the way Bokuto held onto his hands with as much strength as he could use without hurting Akaashi, as if to ask to not be let go, “Remember than one time in high school when you showed up with a hickey you'd given yourself? Or that time when we were on a date and ate pickled onions and then got a toothbrush only so we could make out afterwards? And when you thought a double date with Kuroo and Kenma would be an excellent idea and then you guys got drunk on like one beer each? That was awkward”</p><p>“I get the point,” Bokuto interrupted with his face burning at the fond yet incredibly embarrassing memories. He’d been one naïve teen in love, “It was fun though”.</p><p>“No, it was ridiculous. And I still loved you and agreed to go on many other dates with you,” Akaashi let go of one of Bokuto’s hands, resting uncomfortably on Bokuto’s stomach. He brought up his right hand, only to run his fingers through Bokuto’s hair, softly massaging his scalp “I love you and I really want this to work”.</p><p>“I’m just a terrible boyfriend. You must feel like shit too and I ignored you and you have no idea how much I cried. Kuroo literally insulted me for like half an hour on the phone when I told him but it’s just so unfair. Like, everyone knows we’re perfect for each other, can’t destiny figure it out? Like, come on, why did you have to find a long term job here? I’m not mad you did, I’m happy for you, but why can’t you be in Osaka? And even if you were, I still travel a ton and I just really miss waking up next to you and getting a kiss whenever I need it. I just can’t get used to not having you there all the time. So I just thought well, maybe it’s my fault, you know? For asking you to move in with me in school. It just wasn’t fair, knowing I wouldn’t stick around. And then I realised, well, I’m never gonna stick around,” Bokuto blurted out, eyes closed hard and voice shaky. Akaashi listened patiently, waiting for him to finish, “I want to marry you so fucking bad, it’s not fair you’ve to live all the way here”. </p><p>“Koutarou, you know you can tell me all of this, right? Over the phone,” Bokuto nodded shyly against his chest. Akaashi cleared his throat, fingers lightly tracing Bokuto’s neck muscles, “What do you need? What can I do?”</p><p>“Exist,” he replied quickly. Akaashi sighed into his hair, letting frustration wash over him one final time. </p><p>“Clearly that wasn’t working now, was it? Come on, what do you need?”</p><p>“Like, a lot of attention and affection” he admitted, still hiding from Akaashi, “I need your voice, a lot. I know you’re busy but it makes me feel real close to you. Sometimes I’m not sure if video calls even help ‘cos they make me miss your pretty face even more, but if I don’t see you I feel like I’m gonna die. I just sorta feel like I miss those little details, you know? Like when you sleep a little too much and you don’t have enough time to dry your hair and it looks so messy but <em> super fucking </em> hot. And when you pout a little when you burn your tongue drinking coffee. And your terrible, <em> terrible </em> morning breath. I miss you, but not like I haven’t seen you, more like I miss your constant presence everywhere. I want to feel you with me all the damn time”.</p><p>“And how do we fix that?”</p><p>“Um, getting married? Moving in together again?” Bokuto asked, looking up into Akaashi’s eyes, hopeful despite himself. He wondered how long he had until Bokuto proposed with all the marriage talk happening lately. After years he still couldn’t decide if he’d take the last name or not. Maybe hyphenating it would sound better, “That wasn’t a real proposal either, just so you know”. </p><p>Akaashi laughed, “No. Come on, how do we make it more bearable?” </p><p>“How about one of us travels every weekend,” Akaashi had to laugh again. Really? Bokuto’s only suggestion being travelling more was so characteristically him he had to laugh at his honesty, “I’ll pay for it. You don’t have to go on dates with me or anything, you can work if you want or do whatever you need”.</p><p>“And what if you’re busy?” </p><p>“Well, then you go down to Osaka anyway and do whatever you want, as long as you’re in my vicinity, see? A quick fix,” Bokuto always made things sound so easy and simple. If only they were, “Keiji,” he whispered looking into his eyes hopefully.</p><p>Akaashi held him impossibly closer, letting his fingers dance delicately over his back as he drew invisible patterns all over the fabric of his t-shirt.</p><p>“I don’t know, okay? I love you but I don’t know, you’re the genius,” Bokuto continued, pouting slightly, “I can’t fix this”.</p><p>“I don’t know either,” Akaashi replied, voice steady unlike Bokuto’s. </p>
<hr/><p>Bokuto woke up for his morning jog but this time he didn’t have to wake Akaashi. When he got home, Akaashi was already on his cup of coffee, lazily scrolling through his phone. He’d been dreading this exact moment, when something set into the pit of his stomach making him feel cold inside. </p><p>They simply didn’t know how to fix it and Bokuto feared this was the beginning of the end. </p><p>“I won’t be gone for too long, ok? Let me know if you go somewhere, though,” he said before kissing Bokuto goodbye. He’d use his time wisely as he always did, trapped in the unavoidable meetings he had with Udai and his team at work and editing by night. He’d anticipated it, though.</p><p>“Keiji,” Bokuto mumbled from the kitchen island where he was almost sat. Akaashi turned to look at him from the genkan, shoes and coat already on, “There’s nothing to worry about, is there?” </p><p>“There’s nothing to worry about, Koutarou”. </p><p>Bokuto sulked nevertheless. He held onto the couch cushions deep in thought as he attempted to focus on the birds documentary he was trying to watch, but he just couldn’t stop his anxious musing. He’d messed up royally, way worse than he’d ever messed up even during high school and for a second he wondered if being honest had been the wrong choice. Akaashi knew him and could read him like a book. Still, he considered if he should’ve just stayed silent and pretended he was okay, that would have saved him so much trouble.</p><p>He dragged himself to bed, guilt and confusion weighing him down as he padded towards the bedroom. He hated second guessing himself and feeling stupid just for voicing his feelings. Akaashi had made sure he felt comfortable doing it even during high school, telling him constantly he had no problem making sure he performed as expected and it dragged into their relationship naturally, like everything else did. Bokuto felt immature for still having trouble and feeling so insecure over the smallest things. </p><p>He plopped onto the bed and fell asleep after sighing and staring a hole into the ceiling. </p><p>Akaashi opened the door quietly four hours later, leaving his coat and shoes at the entrance. He quickly noticed the apartment was silent and there was no sign of Bokuto having done anything while he was done. He was greeted by his soft snoring once he opened the door to the bedroom and padded silently to join him on the bed without waking him up, he looked like he needed some rest despite Bokuto insisting on being used to his crazy routine. </p><p>He laid down facing Bokuto, sighed into the pillow and brought his hand to his face to softly play with his messy hair. It was still wet from the shower. </p><p>Bokuto was right. This was taking a huge toll on them, especially Bokuto, and it wasn’t fair, not when everything Akaashi was for them to be able to have a happy and fulfilling life together. He wondered if wanting this this hard was wrong or selfish, he felt selfish dragging this on knowing Bokuto was hurting. Was it worth all the crying on Bokuto’s part and how many times his own heart broke trying to reassure him?</p><p>Bokuto stirred in front of him, still deep in sleep. His nose was red and his eyes and lips looked puffy, all telltale signs he’d been crying for a long time. He felt a pang in his chest and then Bokuto woke up, golden sleepy eyes finding him with such fondness Akaashi felt like he was melting under the stare. Bokuto smiled lazily and reached for him to hold him closer. His glasses were still on so they clashed with Bokuto’s collarbones when he found the space between his neck and his shoulder but he stayed there, taking in his warmth and scent and realising that <em> yes </em> it was worth fucking everything. </p><p>“You know I love you, right?,”  he whispered against his shirt, muffled by skin and fabric and his own emotions interfering. After a few seconds Bokuto’s embrace relaxed and Akaashi moved to leave tiny kisses on Bokuto’s shoulders and cheeks as he still struggled to wake up. Bokuto smiled when Akaashi reached his lips and hugged him tighter against him once again. Akaashi chuckled as Bokuto started attacking him with little pecks, eyes still closed and absolutely determined not to let him go. They fell asleep together a couple of minutes later, wrapped around each other. </p>
<hr/><p>If anyone asked when the move started, he couldn’t tell. After that one time he’d attempted and failed to comfort Bokuto and only managed to hurt himself in the process, it had just naturally progressed into whatever it had become with the years. Keyword: years.</p><p>It wasn’t surprising to anyone when Akaashi openly announced he’d be moving to Osaka and no one asked when the decision had been taken because it seemed as if it had always had been a reality for Bokuto and him, despite Bokuto usually being the one that travelled to see Akaashi and their friends.  </p><p>It started with the smallest and most unexpected things, like a big bottle of his favourite tea tree oil body wash in Bokuto’s shower and all his hair clips left forgotten in Bokuto’s bathroom cabinet. It progressed into Bokuto slowly taking whatever he’d left in Akaashi’s place that wasn’t absolutely necessary for when he travelled to Tokyo, like books and some of his old clothes Akaashi didn’t like wearing around the house. To anyone else that would have seemed as if Bokuto was trying to disappear from his life, but it was the complete opposite, he was trying to bring little trinkets and pieces of Akaashi into his life in Osaka. </p><p>Little by little, Akaashi was left with little to no loungewear in his place or stationary outside of his office and when the last leg of his second project started, he kindly rejected the next project and got drunk with Kenma to celebrate. </p><p>Bokuto accepted every little piece Akaashi gave him, including his favourite cup and utensils and three years later Akaashi was one bag away from moving completely out of his apartment, furniture useless, forgotten and left behind. </p><p>“Welcome to Osaka, pretty boy,” Bokuto welcomed him.</p><p>Yeah, it felt like home. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this was an incredibly self indulgent piece because I love insecure Bokuto and the idea of Akaashi really trying to reassure him in different ways and I've been trying to find long distance fics for a minute but haven't been able to really quench that thirst, y'know? i also really like the idea that long distance makes Akaashi somehow appreciate his time with Bokuto more and as he grew he learnt to smile more and be more physical, so i included a bit of that or tried to. i hope this came out as the hurt/comfort/domesticity monster i intended for it to be, i just got carried away AGAIN</p></blockquote></div></div>
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